Reflecting

Currently, I am working on yet another interesting literary project. I have been writing weekly blogs since mid-2009 and have been asked several times whether I would consider compiling these into some sort of book. Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and began to read through them all, in order to select which might possibly be suitable to include in such a volume. This is no light task since it involves reading over 770 blogs, each about 550-560 words long. Nor is it an easy one because I have needed to make all sorts of decisions, big and small, along the way. Yet it has also been fascinating indeed to look at all those thoughts and experiences again and reflect on my journey with God over these past fourteen years.

When I began blogging in 2009, I had written three novels, with two already published and a third about to be. I had also ventured further into speaking at all sorts of events, both Christian and secular. I still had much to learn about writing and about engaging widely differing audiences in a positive, helpful way. And I was still working through much on a personal level as well, particularly concerning my faith in God and my understanding and acceptance of who God had created me to be. Perhaps you can imagine then what an interesting and sometimes exhausting journey it has been as I have ploughed through all those blogs and watched myself grow and struggle and stumble and pick myself up and grow some more. I have re-lived many events I had almost forgotten about, some happy and some sad. I have revisited various ideas and understanding of Scripture I included in these blogs and allowed God’s Spirit to speak to me afresh about it all. I have reflected long and hard once again about many things—and I am not done yet.

You see, once I had selected out the various blogs I considered might be most suitable to include, I now need to read each one carefully yet again on various levels. Will the particular blog topic still appeal to a wide range of possible readers? Is the blog itself clearly and well written? Is it too short? Is it too long? Is it too personal? Do names of people or events need to be removed? Are the Scripture verses quoted appropriate and correctly used? Once these decisions are made, I then need to edit each blog carefully or, in some instances, almost completely rewrite it.

At this point, I am still a little unsure whether this whole project will in fact end up in book form. Yet, whether it does or not, I believe all my efforts have already been so valuable because they have shown me yet again the utter faithfulness of God in my life. Through so many varied times of joy, of grief, of hope, of disappointment, of challenge, of fulfilment, of change, God has been there, guiding and guarding me, comforting me and rejoicing with me. God’s loving arms have held me close through it all, even when I was unaware of this—and I am blessed indeed.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

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Really?

Sometimes I hear myself saying the strangest things. Take, for example, those occasions when I have said to someone, perhaps after hearing about a challenge they recently faced, ‘I hope everything went well for you in the end.’ What I really mean is that I hope this person is doing okay now—surely hoping some past event went well is a little pointless, apart from any empathy we may express in the process? The moment has gone, and all the hope we can muster will not change what happened back then.

Recently, while walking to my car, I saw a man nearby wearing the jersey of a particular football team. As he stood chatting to another man, I heard him say: ‘Well, we believe in miracles!’

Initially, I thought to myself, ‘Oh, that’s so wonderful—this man believes in miracles!’ But then his next sentence made it clear what he really meant.

‘Oh, with a little bit of luck we might get there!’ he declared.

I realised then that he must be talking about an upcoming football match and his apparent doubt that his team would actually win! But the more I thought about it all, the more I began to wonder if he had expressed my own strange thinking at times. Yes, I believe God can do miracles. I have experienced them myself and observed them unfold in the lives of others. I have read in Scripture how Jesus performed so many amazing miracles and how God raised him from the dead. On top of that, I see miracles each day in the beauty and intricacy of nature all around me. Yet, to my shame, sometimes I suspect my prayers for God to bring healing to someone or rescue someone from a difficult situation can be more like a wish that luck might be on their side than a fervent faith-filled plea to God on their behalf.

There is a big difference between the two, don’t you think? When we pray, we are talking with and to the all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God of the universe. Our God is personal and alive. And our God is able to heal and renew. Sometimes, that may happen supernaturally but at other times through the care of others, including the medical profession. And our God is able to reach out and rescue us in love too—or give us the strength to walk through our struggles and comfort us deeply in the process. On the other hand, relying on luck involves nothing more than believing in or appealing to impersonal, random forces, without knowing whether they will be on our side or not. All we can do in this case is hope for the best.

Years ago, there was a book around with the title Your God is Too Small, a title which still challenges me today. How often have I lost sight of who God really is? How often have I taken my gaze off God and, instead, trusted in some vague kind of luck? Instead, may you and I raise our sights, enlarge our vision, know our amazing God is on our side and rest daily in God’s loving grace, mercy and provision for us.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my trust. Psalm 130:5

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That torn curtain

I wonder what impacted you afresh this past Easter about Jesus’ journey to the cross and his resurrection. Each year, I find myself thinking there will be nothing new I can possibly discover in the various gospel accounts of those events. And, each year, God surprises me all over again with some fresh insight that makes me stop and reflect on my own life or on our world in general.

When our youth pastor spoke at our church on Good Friday, he described the cataclysmic events that occurred when Jesus actually gave up his spirit and died on the cross. I had forgotten these events and my imagination went into overdrive when he referred to the various things that happened, as recorded in Matthew’s Gospel:

Then Jesus shouted out again, and he released his spirit. At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people. Matthew 27:50-53NLT

Wow! Imagine being there and experiencing the earth shaking and rocks splitting apart—not to mention tombs opening. Surely there must have been chaos all around at that point as people fled one way and another in fear. Perhaps some thought it was a random natural disaster, yet others came to a different conclusion, as Matthew’s Gospel goes on to describe:

The Roman officer and the other soldiers at the crucifixion were terrified by the earthquake and all that had happened. They said, “This man truly was the Son of God!” Matthew 27:54NLT

But what about that torn curtain? It was probably huge and heavy, being an important curtain that separated the people from the holiest place in the temple. Was it somehow fixed or replaced before the special Sabbath Passover service there the day after Jesus was crucified? Or was it cobbled together in a way that the people still noticed? Did any of those present begin to think about the significance of that torn curtain and relate it to Jesus’ death? Surely, they must at least have wondered how this could happen. Or did they merely put it down to earthquake damage?

One day we will understand more. But for now, imagining this event was enough to challenge me to think about the momentous difference Jesus’ death has made in my own life and in the life of all who believe in him. Through his death on our behalf, Jesus broke the power of sin and death over each one of us. Through shedding his blood, Jesus opened up the way for us to draw close to our holy God again, enabling us to stand in God’s very presence and know we are completely forgiven, perfectly loved and wholly accepted. The barrier has come down. The curtain has been torn in two—and we are free to approach God, knowing we will not be turned away.

What an awesome privilege—and what an awesome Saviour we have! May we each from the bottom of our hearts freely declare, along with those soldiers, ‘This man truly was the Son of God!’

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Surely he has!

Years ago when our children were little, I managed to find time to join our local choral society. Each Monday evening, I would thoroughly enjoy practising with the other choir members—and this was especially true when we began rehearsing to perform Handel’s Messiah. Prior to this, I had sung in various children’s and young adult choirs but had never had the opportunity to take part in singing The Messiah, so it was all wonderfully new and exciting to me.

Whenever I hear certain sections of this oratorio performed today, however, I still feel the same chills down my spine that I felt when I first heard them around fifty years ago. Yes, this is partly because of Handel’s beautiful, stirring music. And yes, it is partly because of the lovely voices of the soloists and choir members who sing. But it is the words, taken from various parts of the old King James version of the Bible, that also touch my heart deeply.

One of the most stirring choruses in the first part of Handel’s Messiah for me is ‘For unto us a Child is born’. I love the way the music crescendos up into those wonderful, thundering, strong words that emphasise the power and authority of Jesus:

… and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6b KJV

I always want to stand up and cheer when I hear those words ring out. But then there are other beautiful, quieter, moving sections too that touch my heart in a different way such as the gentle air, ‘He shall feed his flock’, which to me speaks of the tender, nurturing heart of Jesus for us all:

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11 KJV

Likewise, the brief, slow chorus, ‘Behold the Lamb of God’, highlighting John the Baptist’s declaration about Jesus (John 1:29, 36), always moves me too, as does the later air, ‘I know that my Redeemer liveth’, triumphantly declaring Jesus’ resurrection from the dead (Job 19:25). But, in between these comes the forceful, heartrending chorus, ‘Surely he hath borne our griefs’, that I always find so deeply moving. To me, it seems to express in both words and music that incredulous feeling I always have at Easter that Jesus, the Son of God, would indeed bear our sins on the cross and give his life for us:

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-5 KJV

This Easter, may we take time to reflect deeply on these words in either the older version above or a more recent one. And may we all, on Easter Sunday and beyond, be moved to declare with heartfelt praise to God as the final chorus of The Messiah does:

Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. Revelation 5:12 KJV

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