Reflecting

Currently, I am working on yet another interesting literary project. I have been writing weekly blogs since mid-2009 and have been asked several times whether I would consider compiling these into some sort of book. Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and began to read through them all, in order to select which might possibly be suitable to include in such a volume. This is no light task since it involves reading over 770 blogs, each about 550-560 words long. Nor is it an easy one because I have needed to make all sorts of decisions, big and small, along the way. Yet it has also been fascinating indeed to look at all those thoughts and experiences again and reflect on my journey with God over these past fourteen years.

When I began blogging in 2009, I had written three novels, with two already published and a third about to be. I had also ventured further into speaking at all sorts of events, both Christian and secular. I still had much to learn about writing and about engaging widely differing audiences in a positive, helpful way. And I was still working through much on a personal level as well, particularly concerning my faith in God and my understanding and acceptance of who God had created me to be. Perhaps you can imagine then what an interesting and sometimes exhausting journey it has been as I have ploughed through all those blogs and watched myself grow and struggle and stumble and pick myself up and grow some more. I have re-lived many events I had almost forgotten about, some happy and some sad. I have revisited various ideas and understanding of Scripture I included in these blogs and allowed God’s Spirit to speak to me afresh about it all. I have reflected long and hard once again about many things—and I am not done yet.

You see, once I had selected out the various blogs I considered might be most suitable to include, I now need to read each one carefully yet again on various levels. Will the particular blog topic still appeal to a wide range of possible readers? Is the blog itself clearly and well written? Is it too short? Is it too long? Is it too personal? Do names of people or events need to be removed? Are the Scripture verses quoted appropriate and correctly used? Once these decisions are made, I then need to edit each blog carefully or, in some instances, almost completely rewrite it.

At this point, I am still a little unsure whether this whole project will in fact end up in book form. Yet, whether it does or not, I believe all my efforts have already been so valuable because they have shown me yet again the utter faithfulness of God in my life. Through so many varied times of joy, of grief, of hope, of disappointment, of challenge, of fulfilment, of change, God has been there, guiding and guarding me, comforting me and rejoicing with me. God’s loving arms have held me close through it all, even when I was unaware of this—and I am blessed indeed.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

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Just a few millimetres

Years ago, I was given a poem written by South American Catholic Archbishop Oscar Romero that begins with the following lines:

It helps now and then to step back

               And take the long view

Romero goes on to reflect on the fact that what we do for God is just one part of a larger endeavour—we cannot do everything ourselves. Nevertheless, we plant the seed and water the seed others before us have planted too and thus play our part in building God’s kingdom. All he said is indeed true, yet these two lines have stuck in my mind for another reason as well. They have always served to remind me that this life is not all there is, that I need to step back and look at my own life in the light of eternity. And as I do, this changes everything.

When putting my blogs together each week, I always include some sort of photo which may start out very large but, with one click, ends up being shrunk to a much smaller ‘thumbnail’ size. This is the feeling I have had at times as I do indeed step back and take that longer view of my life—the feeling that I am suddenly and rapidly being shrunk down to size. Yet this is not unpleasant at all, because I know God is graciously reminding me that my life here on earth is actually an infinitesimal part of a much, much bigger picture. Or, to use a different metaphor, my life here is like the first one or two tiny millimetres only of a long, long journey to some extreme, far-flung part of the world.

We need to be reminded of this truth often, not only when experiencing hard times in life, but also when things are going well. In hard times, it is so comforting to know this life is not all there is and that, one day, all our struggles and troubles will be over.

He (God) will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4 NLT

Yet it is equally important to be reminded of the brevity of life when things are going well too. I know I can become so focused on my own plans and so engrossed in some endeavour or other that I can easily forget how fleeting these are in the big scheme of things. Or I can worry far too much about my own and others’ issues rather than loving and trusting God. I think of the story Jesus told called ‘The Parable of the Rich Fool’ about a man who tore down his barns to build bigger ones where he could store all his grain and goods, then decided to take it easy, eat, drink and be merry—yet, that night, he died (Luke 12:13-21). The parable ends with the following words:

Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.” Luke 12:21 NLT

Let’s remember our lives here are only a few short millimetres of a much, much longer journey. In the light of that, let’s walk hand and hand with God through each day—and right on into eternity.

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Who would have thought?

Last week, I reached a milestone in my little corner of the blogging world. I did not notice until this week because of a glitch in my numbering system, so what a surprise to discover I had written 700 personal blogs since July 2009!

At first, I thought, ‘Ho hum—who cares?’ After all, I enjoy writing my blogs and hope to continue for a while yet, regardless what number blog I am up to. But then I paused … and listened. It was as if God was whispering gently to me, ‘Whoa, Jo-Anne! How about you stop right now and think about all that has happened for you over these past almost thirteen years?’

So, I stopped and reflected. What a crazy but wonderful writing and speaking journey I have had in those years! Not only did God enable me to churn out a blog each week, but also to produce five more novels and two non-fiction books to add to my two previously published novels. Who would have thought? Certainly not I. And who would have thought too that I would have the opportunity to speak at all sorts of places along the way? I have lost count of how many such events have taken place, but it would be over two hundred, many wonderful, some … well … interesting!

As I looked back, however, I realised so much else has happened during these years too that I did not expect—personally, family-wise and certainly wider afield. For example, we sold our home of 32 years for what to us was a staggering sum and came to live here in our lovely, restful unit—an unexpected blessing indeed. Family-wise, we welcomed a fourth grandchild—another lovely blessing. In that time too though, my special ‘soul friend’ Joy suffered from dementia, something I did not expect to happen to her, eventually passing away last year. And, of course, who would have thought we would all be facing a worldwide pandemic in 2020—and 2021—and 2022?

We can plan and work towards what we dream of doing and what we may also believe is what God wants for us—and, by God’s grace, these plans and dreams may be fulfilled beyond our expectations. Yet, for many of us, this does not turn out to be the case, for one reason or another. For some, the question ‘Who would have thought?’ may be a joyous exclamation, while for others, it may well be a deep cry of anguish.

Yet, however surprised or shocked we may be at the twists and turns in our lives, positive or negative, God surely is not. And perhaps that is what God wanted me to see, as I reflected on these past thirteen years. Perhaps God is challenging me to remember who truly is in control of my life. Perhaps I need to be much more thankful I belong to such a loving, powerful God. And perhaps I need to realise my role is to keep living for and trusting in God, whatever happens.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message

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Words matter

I think about words a lot. After all, I am a writer. As I weave my sentences together, even in a short blog, I am always asking myself, ‘Can I put things in a better way? Will this be relevant to my readers? Am I saying something worthwhile that may comfort or encourage or challenge?’ Beyond that, I also ask, ‘Is this something God wants me to write—or am I off course? Does it honour God? Does it line up with God’s Word?’

When it comes to novel writing, there are many more questions I need to ask. Is this part necessary? Does it move the plot forward? Is this character believable? Do I need more or less description here? With non-fiction, there are questions too. Should I expand this or that point? Do my chapters each build on what I am trying to say? Should I add more illustrations—or quotations—or Bible references? On it goes.

As COVID allows, however, I am also a speaker—and this is where I need to think even more about my many words. Here they are not tumbling out of my mind onto my computer screen where I can then edit them. Instead, they roll off my tongue so easily and, once spoken, are very hard to take back. I may have been invited to speak somewhere to inform or entertain a secular audience for an hour or so, but I want to honour God in it all too. And in a church context, I want to share a message that will enable those present to draw closer to God in some way and allow God’s Spirit to touch hearts and change lives. What a responsibility! And how careful I need to be to listen to God through it all.

Yet we all need to be so careful in our normal, everyday lives too with the words we speak and write—a quick instruction here and there, a sharp response, a friendly chat with a neighbour, an email, a Facebook comment. Sometimes it can be so hard, can’t it, to reign in that tongue of ours, as James reminds us (James 1:26), or those words that can flow out so thoughtlessly into cyberspace? Before we know it, we can either build up or tear down.

In recent weeks, I have been thinking even more about the power of words as a possible topic for yet another book project of mine, along with trying to plan my speaking schedule for the year as best I can in our COVID context. And no doubt that is why I sat up and took more notice than usual when I read the following verses in Proverbs one morning:

Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18:20-21 NLT

Wow—gulp! What power we have at our disposal each day with those words we wield!

I want my words to be wise and satisfying, don’t you? And I definitely want to bring life and not death via what I speak or write. Words matter indeed—to God and to our listeners or readers. May we each choose them carefully. And may we always harvest good fruit from them.

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Why?

Sometimes it’s good to stop, isn’t it, and think about why we do the things we do? Perhaps for you, this isolation time has been an opportunity to do exactly that. And once we have thought about whatever it is, we can decide whether to continue on or try something different—or perhaps simply stop and be refreshed for a while.

Take blogging, for instance. This blog happens to be Number 600 of my personal, weekly blogs, each around 550 words long—yikes! That’s more than three of my novels put together! I began blogging in July 2009 and here I am, still going strong. But when I remember each blog would have taken me at least two hours to write—and some much longer, as I reflected on what I was trying to say—I shake my head a little.

So … why am I still writing them? Is it all worth it?

I still blog for various reasons and the first is quite practical. As a wordy writer, restricting myself to around 550 words each week on a topic that has touched or challenged me is an excellent exercise! My 550 word limit is self-imposed, but I try to stick to it, as it forces me to express myself more clearly and succinctly, remove unnecessary information and focus on my main point.

Much more importantly, however, I enjoy reflecting on some event in my life or something I have observed or that God has shown me and putting it into words, so that others too may be blessed in some way. Yes, sometimes I end up taking hours to come up with those 550 words. But in the process, through trying to listen to God as I write, I internalise more of what God is saying to me and always end up the richer for it. So even if I do repeat myself and write about things I already covered years ago, I am not in the same place as I was back then. We all change over time—for better or worse! But I do believe that, when God’s Spirit is alive in us, we can change for the better, as we listen and apply the lessons God is teaching us.

I also blog because I want to continue to use the gifts God has given me to the best of my ability. We all have seasons in our lives, don’t we? In my life, I have found I have used certain gifts where God has placed me for a time, but then that time passes and I need to use other gifts and abilities. Now in this season, surely, as well as doing other things for God when the opportunity arises, I can write and share from my heart in a way that will hopefully encourage and build others up?

Each one should use whatever gift he (or she) has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

Yes, let’s keep asking those important ‘why’ questions. But let’s also be faithful in doing what God gives us to do. After all, what a privilege it is to be entrusted to share God’s grace with others, however we can, in our world that is hurting so much right now!

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The final word

Each day, there seem to be so many opinions and pieces of information aired on the internet and on TV about surviving and thriving during this isolation period. Some of these contain advice on how to behave and care for ourselves and others, which may or may not be helpful. Some aim to encourage us to think and act in positive ways. Some make us laugh and are full of dry humour. But some also seem to do nothing except induce fear and panic and even more uncertainty. Should I really download that Covid 19 tracking app? Should all these children really head back to school at this stage? Should I really make that trip to the shops or go wherever right now? Should I really plan that event for later in the year?

Whoa! All this can do our heads in, can’t it? And this is where I have found it helpful to step back, so to speak, take a deep breath, and ask myself a different set of questions.

Whose voice am I listening to?

What effect does that voice have on me?

What thoughts am I allowing to take hold of my mind and guide my actions at this time?

Recently, I read the tiny New Testament letter written by Jude, who it is thought was one of Jesus’ brothers. Towards the end, he encourages the early believers to persevere and writes:

But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Jude 20-21

Yes, I thought to myself—this is what I need to do! I need to pray and allow the Spirit to speak God’s true and encouraging words into my heart. I need to allow God to build up my faith and to remember all God has taught and shown and done for me in the past. But above all, I need to place myself right in the centre of God’s love afresh each day and be at peace, knowing God will watch over me forever.

And that is why I risk adding yet another blog each week to all those words already out there in cyberspace right now. I want to encourage others to listen to God’s loving voice rather than that voice that would cause us to fear or lose hope. Whoever we are, we all need to know that God is for us, that we truly matter to God, that God longs to provide for us and speak peace into our hearts at this time. At least, I know I do!

And what a wonderful, uplifting, final flourish Jude adds to the end of his letter to those early believers that surely still speaks to us today and encourages us to remember who we belong to and who is in charge:

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. Jude 24-25

Now what better final word could there be than that?

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Two hundred not out!

Being a cricket fan from way back, I couldn’t resist the above title. You see, I find it hard to comprehend, but this is the two hundredth blog I have written for this site! I began my blogging adventure in July 2009 and have kept it up every week since then. My thanks to those who have kept on faithfully reading and commenting, either on the blog itself or on Facebook. Those little words of encouragement have inspired me to keep going, even at times when I felt I had little of worth to say.

What have all those blogs and all those hours spent writing them achieved, I wonder. I will probably never know. But I can give you several reasons I have continued to persevere with the whole idea. Firstly, as someone who was previously part of the ministry team of a local church, it is like relating to and encouraging my own little ‘cyber congregation’ at times. Just as I often used to share from my heart through the spoken word in our church, I can now share from my heart via the written word—and I find that such a wonderful privilege. Yes, I still speak in various places, but here via my blog, I have my ‘regular attenders’ who always read and often comment or click the ‘Like’ button on Facebook as well! I like to hear that they are travelling okay and love it when something I write turns out to be particularly pertinent in their lives at that point.

A second reason I have persevered with my blogs is that even though they take time, I still enjoy writing them. And a third is that I think it is good discipline for me as a writer to have to craft somewhere between five hundred and six hundred words each week into a blog that hopefully says something worthwhile and that God can use in someone’s life. Being such a wordy writer, it is good for me to have to limit myself and not wax eloquent for too long!

And yes, I have to admit a fourth reason for continuing with my blogs is that I have been told they are a good way of promoting my books. I’m still not completely convinced, but they do enable me to give my readers little glimpses into my writing world, include them at times in my interesting book selling adventures and let them know when a new book of mine is due for release.

I am aware my blogs would probably be more successful if I narrowed the field and aimed my content either at other authors or at non-authors. However, I cannot seem to bring myself to do this. Each week, I pray and ask God what I should write about. Sometimes the inspiration I seem to receive revolves around writing and sometimes it is simply something I have observed in reading my Bible or in everyday life. But I trust that in it all, God can guide me to write the content someone out there needs at that time and that God can also guide the relevant person to read and receive what is needed. What an adventure to be on with God! And what a privilege!

Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honour and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!” Rev 7:12

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Falling into that silly trap again

I knew it wasn’t wise, but I did it anyway. This week, I took on board two facts about other authors and their books and promptly compared their efforts to mine. Yes, I believe I can learn from how other authors go about promoting their books. But is it a good idea to take their excellent sales figures to heart, without recognising the differences in our situations, personalities, style of books and calling from God? I don’t think so.

Comparison Number One happened in the course of a conversation with my husband about a friend’s book.

‘Oh, I think he’s sold about five thousand copies,’ I commented.

‘No, it’s about seven thousand now,’ my husband told me.

Instead of being happy for this particular author, my heart sank a little. Never mind that this person is with a large, overseas publisher. Never mind that his book is entirely different from mine. All I heard was that seven thousand number. And that was enough to cause me to feel more than a little downhearted.

Comparison Number Two occurred as I was idly flipping through Facebook. There I noted how another author is managing to sell her books by the hundreds as she travels around the country. How does she do it, I wondered grumpily. Again, instead of being pleased for her, I began to feel inadequate, wondering if my feeble efforts at selling my books and speaking here and there are enough. And again, I completely lost sight of the fact that her personality and her books are entirely different from mine.

As I sat wallowing in self-pity, I managed to think clearly enough to realise one fact at least. I am doing all I can, to the best of my ability right now, to honour God with my writing and speaking. I am continuing to promote my non-fiction book Soul Friend that was released last year and my novels as well. I have a good number of speaking engagements in the next two months and have spent hours and hours in recent weeks, preparing for these. My sixth novel is being released in September. I write my own weekly blogs and comment regularly on other blogs and on Facebook. I am trying hard. I believe I am listening to and doing what God wants me to do. I cannot do more.

Then I managed to keep thinking clearly enough to do the most sensible thing of all. I reached for my Bible, where I was up to Philippians 2. And sure enough, God had something very pertinent to say to me about the whole situation. In verses 3 and 4, I read:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Hmm. Yes, Lord, I hear you. Why focus so much on my desires and ambitions for my own books? Why not cheer my fellow authors on, rejoicing at their success? Surely this is what is meant by putting their interests above my own? How about cultivating a little more humility, just as Jesus did? It wouldn’t go astray.

I’m hoping I don’t fall into that silly trap again—for a while at least!

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