Coming to grips with the past

Life often has some interesting twists and turns, doesn’t it? Just when we think we have the future all worked out, we may find ourselves needing to move in an entirely different direction. Is it just the way things pan out? Is it that we made some wrong decisions along the way? Or is it that God sometimes intervenes and allows things to happen in our lives, perhaps giving us challenges to overcome?

I believe God has clearly had a hand in the many changes and challenges in my life, taking me out of places that were not helpful for me or conducive to my growth and leading me on to explore new horizons. Sometimes the journey was painful, but God was always there, strengthening me and moulding me into more of the person I was created to be.

In recent weeks I have been reminded forcefully of this as I have had to read through my journals that I kept on and off during the last eighteen years. Believing it is what God wants, I have embarked on writing a work of non-fiction that involves my own personal spiritual journey and the strategic part my wonderful mentor or spiritual companion, as she prefers to be called, has played in that. At times, I turned the pages of these journals very slowly, stopping here and there to remember well and to allow myself space to feel the emotions described there. I had been through some huge changes in those years – I had left a job I enjoyed, studied fulltime at theological college, undertaken a busy ministry role in our church and then closed the door on that, knowing God was calling me out. I had floundered a little for a year – and then God clearly led me to begin my writing journey.

Some things I read in those journals were wonderful. I had written out many great verses of Scripture that had encouraged and comforted me. I had copied out significant sections of some excellent books that now impacted me again as I read. There were moments recorded too that were very significant milestones for me – happy and fulfilling occasions such as my college graduation or times when God gave me fresh insights or moved powerfully in my life.

But I noticed many challenging and sad occasions there too – times when I was overcome by the pressures of life or filled with grief or angry and confused. It was emotionally draining even to read about some of these, despite the intervening years. In many instances I saw a person crying out to God, yet at the same time wondering where God was and why such things were happening to her.

And that’s just it. Now I could see myself back then almost as another person altogether, someone whose pain I felt and whose joy I entered into – but someone else nevertheless. You see, God has moved me on since then, strengthening me, healing me, maturing me and hopefully growing me to be more Christ-like. I see now how those things have made me into the writer I am today – and I can honestly say I am thankful for them all, despite the pain and grief they brought at times.

So now my task is to press on, allowing these life experiences to bear fruit in what I write, so that others too can be drawn closer to God and know God’s presence with them in their own journeys.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:13-14)

Let’s hand our past over to God, enjoy God’s presence today and trust God with our future. One day in heaven we will see the whole picture – and then it won’t matter anymore!

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On being prepared – lessons learnt from doing a radio interview

I have been interviewed twice for radio in recent times. The first was for Jenny Baxter’s Sunday morning show on FM106Five in Hobart and the second for ‘Sunday Night with Kel Richards’ on 2CH in Sydney. Both were phone interviews and I was given prior warning when they would take place. All I had to do was be available, well prepared and as alert as possible.

My interviewers were wonderful. Jenny was warm and relaxed and quickly put me at my ease. And when I mixed up the date of a speaking engagement, I was reassured that would be edited out anyway. Kel Richards was equally warm and friendly, but I knew I could not mess up my answers, since I understand studio time for his popular show is at a premium and there would be minimal editing, if any. As our phone interview drew near, I spread out ‘prompt sheets’ around me with answers to questions I thought he might ask. I also had my novels nearby – just in case, in the heat of the moment, I forgot what I had written about!

Kel asked me around seven questions. I ‘um-ed’ and ‘ah-ed’ my way through the first couple a little, but there was no time even for a quick glance at my ‘prompt sheets’. This was ‘sudden death’ – and a very public death at that!!  I consoled myself, however, with the thought that at 11.10pm on a cold, wet Sunday evening, perhaps there would not be too many people wide awake enough to witness my demise.

But then I drew a deep breath and realised this was not the moment to be hesitant in any way. I knew what my novels were about. I knew why I wrote what I had and who I hoped would read my novels. I even knew how I would encourage young novelists in their writing journey. These were the sorts of questions that were unfolding as we talked. Besides, I wanted at least one person to phone in and win the copy of my latest novel ‘Helena’s Legacy’ Kel was offering as a prize for the listener who answered his bible quiz question correctly!

After our call finished, I thought about the responses I gave and how differently I would have answered the questions second time around. But in the end, I decided I had done my best – I had responded as honestly and promptly as possible. So all I had to do now was trust God with the outcome.

But the whole experience also made me think about how I need to be equally prepared on a daily basis to answer questions about my faith in God in that same eager, truthful, prompt way. In 1 Peter 3: 15-16 we read:

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

We have to be ready and willing at a moment’s notice – chances are there won’t be any prior warning or prompt sheets. But we will have God’s Spirit with us who will give us just the right words to say and all the grace and sensitivity we need.

Now that puts me much more at ease than even the best interviewer possibly could. How about you?

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A unique gift

I received a very special gift this past week. It might not seem wonderful to others, but I absolutely love it. I am looking at it now as it sits beside my desk – and even as I do, I feel blessed all over again. So … it is just an old chair, some might say! The cover looks a little worn and ‘pre-loved’ and is in need of being tacked on again in one spot, while the seat itself is definitely lumpy in places. And yet I chose it from my dear friend’s possessions above other things that were freely offered to me.

My friend wanted me to have something of hers with all her heart before she moves out of her very large, old home – and I did not want to disappoint her. Besides, I was delighted at the thought of having something to remember the many times we had met there together. This dear friend has been my ‘spiritual companion’ for a long time now – I know I would not have achieved what I have in my writing journey these past few years, were it not for her wisdom, support and encouragement. But what would be best, we wondered, as we sat drinking our favourite Lady Grey tea and reminiscing? Perhaps one of her precious, old books or some cuttings from the wonderful array of treasured plants in her cottage garden? Or perhaps something else I had admired over the years?

We wandered then along the winding path towards the tiny chapel her husband built many years ago. We stepped across the threshold and I gazed around – this truly was a sacred space that had been lovingly set aside and used for prayer and worship through the years by men and women from a variety of backgrounds. Again my friend asked if there was anything I would like and I shook my head. But then she lifted a cover off an old chair that stood in one corner – and I knew this was what I wanted.

I carefully carried the chair to my car, but whichever way I manoeuvred it, it would not fit in the boot. As a last resort, I flung open the back door and tried sliding it in there – and to my surprise, it fitted perfectly.

My friend and I flung our arms around each other. We were both so happy – she, that she could give me something that had been a precious part of worship for her for so long, and I, that this old chair would continue to be used well by those I now talk and pray with. I am honoured to have it in my study. It symbolises to me all the richness of the loving relationship my friend and I have enjoyed – and beyond that, the relationship of love and grace that God holds out to me – and hopefully to any who may come to talk and pray.

God’s presence is not dependent on particular chairs or any other piece of furniture, I know. But at this stage of the year when tiredness seems to have taken hold, it is so good to have a tangible reminder nearby of the one who is always with me, who knows my heart, who knows everything I have tried to achieve this past year, who knows all the coming year holds and who says to me lovingly: ‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.’ (John 14:27)

May God bless you too with deep peace as you celebrate the birth of our Saviour Jesus, the Prince of Peace!

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