Being courageous

We have lived in Sydney for many years now, yet there are some parts of our city where I do not willingly choose to drive. One is definitely the airport area, especially the domestic terminal with its current nearby roadworks. I find it slightly overwhelming to be confronted with all those different signs showing me which lane I need to be in to get to that elusive express passenger pick-up area. And if I miss the relevant entry point, it can be tricky indeed, with all those one-way streets, to loop around and have another go.

There can also be one further complication to this whole challenge for me. These days, I find driving at night rather difficult, especially in an unfamiliar area. So you can imagine how I felt when I needed to drive to the airport in the dark recently, not once but twice, in a short space of time. No, I did not look forward to it one little bit.

My first effort went well in the end, however, which was encouraging—although that time, I had someone with me I needed to drop off, which helped. Two pairs of eyes are much better than one in such areas, I have discovered. But coming home, I almost missed the turnoff to the road that would take me around the airport area and back home rather than into the middle of the city. Phew! I am sure those prayers I prayed—out loud—were what saved me and that God enabled me to see where to go just in time.

Then, the day before I needed to return to the airport to pick up my passenger, I happened to come across the following verse in my morning Bible reading:

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NLT

God spoke these words to Joshua after the death of Moses when Joshua inherited the responsibility of leading the Israelites into the Promised Land at last. What a massive challenge indeed to take on! No wonder God had to repeat this command to be strong and courageous to Joshua (see 1:6). Yes, God’s words here are full of challenge, but it seems to me they convey such reassuring certainty and compassionate understanding too.

Now I am well aware that my little foray across town in the dark to the airport bears no comparison whatsoever to the massive task that lay ahead for Joshua. But the reassurance and compassion in these words God spoke to Joshua all those years ago was what I sensed for myself too as I realised how God wanted to reach out to me in my own moment of challenge. So I spoke those same words aloud in my study before leaving home—and several times too during my interesting journey!

The following morning, I had to drive some distance again to speak at a group and a place where I have never been before. As I did, those same words God spoke to Joshua reassured me that God was again with me and watching over me. What a privilege to know God is indeed with us wherever we go and well able to see us through whatever challenges we face!

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Listening to myself

There I was, waiting in my car for the lights to change at a busy intersection, when our daughter suddenly started muttering out loud in the passenger seat beside me.

‘Red light. In right hand turn lane. Right indicator on.’

At first, I thought she was telling me I had missed something. I knew she was learning to drive—she has not really had the opportunity to do so until now. But … was she trying to tell me what I should be doing, when I have been driving for well over forty years?

A moment later, however, she explained what was happening.

‘My great driving instructor has me say everything out loud, so she can check I’ve noticed all the things I need to see and do.’

I was impressed. What an excellent idea, I thought—it would probably reinforce everything for our daughter too, even as she spoke those words out loud.

This little scenario at the traffic lights came back to me the next morning, as I sat reading my bible. I had decided to start delving into the Psalms again, my ‘go to’ place when things get a little hectic in my life. I was up to Psalm 18, but paused when I reached verses 28-33:

You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
    my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
    with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?

It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.

After a while, I began to read on, but then felt I needed to return to these same verses. It seemed almost a sacrilege to read them only once—they were too strong to be skimmed over in any way. Then it came to me that, like our daughter, I needed to speak the words out loud—not to let any instructor sitting beside me know I had noticed everything I was supposed to notice in these words, but rather to allow them to impact me even more and stay with me longer, on into my day and beyond.

So I did just that. I sat there, looking out at the grey skies beyond my window, and read each line out loud, with as much emphasis as I could muster. And as I listened to myself do this, I began thinking somewhere else in my mind, ‘Yes, this is so true! Our God is so strong and perfect and wonderful! And yes, this is what God has done for me in the past, so many times. God will rescue and strengthen me again, I’m sure of it.’ It then seemed so natural to continue on, praising God out loud and praying for all the people and situations I was concerned about, as well as for myself.

What a powerful experience listening to myself reading God’s Word and praying out loud turned out to be! I think I should plan to do it much more often, don’t you?

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Always something to learn

‘I enjoy the challenge of learning new things,’ one of our pastors told me, as he settled me in front of those glaring lights, ready to record a segment for our online church service last Sunday.

I agreed—albeit a little weakly. You see, I was about to do something I had never done before. I had been asked to pray out loud for our church while being filmed, with just the two of us present. And that felt a little weird to me.

I decided I would begin with a few verses from Psalm 40. I had thought of writing my prayer out in full, but felt that was not me. Usually, I like to be more spontaneous when I pray. Yet now, with that camera on me and those glaring lights shining in my face, I wondered if I had made the right decision. I had jotted down some things I had been asked to pray about, but that was it. Would my mind go blank? Could I truly trust God to show me how to pray?

The first time through, I stumbled a few times but soon became immersed in praying. There are so many urgent needs in people’s lives right now. Some have big financial concerns facing them. Others are seriously ill and undergoing tricky medical procedures or in the midst of long-term cancer treatment. Then there are those who are not in a good place mentally and emotionally who need to know God does indeed hear their cry, as Psalm 40:1 says. I feel for them all and meant every word I prayed. But at the end, we decided we should film it one more time—and make it a little shorter too.

We started again. Soon I was in the midst of praying for the same people and situations once more, although in a slightly briefer and more restrained way. But afterwards, I felt unsettled and even worried. Had I truly prayed from the heart that second time around? It had sounded a little flat to me and I hoped no one would feel short-changed as a result, particularly those I had prayed for in such difficult situations.

Later, however, as I reflected on the whole experience, I almost laughed out loud. What a silly way of thinking! After all, God knew it was my desire to pray earnestly for our church and for those going through challenging times. God saw my heart. And, judging by what Jesus said about those hypocrites who wanted everyone to notice how well they prayed or the pagans who used so many words (Matthew 6), surely what I said or how I looked was irrelevant?

Yes, there is always something new to learn or something different to experience. But there is nothing like that old, familiar experience for me of being held in God’s loving arms, knowing my prayers have been heard and feeling that firm rock once again beneath my feet.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:1-2

God hears. God understands. God cares. And we can be at peace.

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Caught by surprise again

I never cease to be amazed at the neat things God does in my life. Just when I least expect it, I am surprised yet again with some kind act or some special insight that leaves me gobsmacked.

This past weekend, I found myself trying to round off that final chapter of my current work in progress—a non-fiction book, entitled Coming Home to Myself. Should be simple, right? Hmm—wrong! Instead, I found myself writing several paragraphs, then deleting them—over and over again. I swapped them around. I shortened them. I split them up. But nothing seemed to flow well.

As you might imagine, I became somewhat frustrated. I have struck difficult patches in my writing before, but this time, it all seemed particularly confusing. Eventually, I stood up and declared out loud, in a firm voice, ‘This is enough!’ I then prayed, still out loud, asking God to show me the way forward. Almost immediately, the thought came to go to our china cabinet and get out my set of five wooden Russian ‘babushka’ dolls I bought at a market stall in London years ago, simply because I loved them. I had always envisaged these dolls featuring on the cover of my book. In fact, I mention them in my introduction, since, to me, they depict my own journey over the years, as God has gently removed various self-protective layers from my life and enabled me to become who I believe I was created to be. But I had never thought of mentioning them again, to conclude my book.

I took them back to my desk and lined them up. The words began to flow, almost carrying me along with them. Then, as I wrote, out of the blue, I remembered how I had once dropped the smallest doll of the set and how I had been unable to find it for years. Then one day when we moved the whole china cabinet, there it was, right at the back underneath it. I had forgotten that whole experience, but saw immediately how it fitted in so well with the theme of my final two paragraphs, which stresses the importance of not losing sight of who we are at the very centre of our being—that person made in the image of God, created to show something of God to the world in our own unique way.

I almost laughed with joy as I wrote. How freeing it was, as those words flowed out! I could feel the lightness in my spirit and such a sense of the fullness of God in me. Surely God had prompted me to stand firm against that overwhelming confusion, to get out those Russian dolls and to remember, as I did, my experience of losing—and finding—that littlest doll all those years ago. Again, I knew I had been privileged to experience another touch of God’s amazing love and grace in my life, just when I least expected it and in a way I could never have envisaged.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

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