It was only a small difference of opinion—at first. I was sure I had mentioned some simple thing I had done, but it soon became obvious the other person present had not heard all I had said. Or perhaps it was that I thought I had added my initial explanatory sentence, but it had remained just that in my head—a thought and no more. Who knows? I was tired and cross, however—and I did not want to entertain that quite reasonable possibility. So, casting caution to the wind, I stuck to my guns and maintained I had in fact explained everything. I argued my case with vehemence. With great fervour, I maintained I was right. In my anger and frustration at being accused unjustly, I might even have raised my voice significantly! And all in order to defend myself over something that did not matter too much in the bigger scheme of things.
Later that day, shame at my response kicked in, but my anger at being wrongfully accused still hung on too. Why did I have to apologise when I knew I had been right? Better just to let it all die down—it would probably be forgotten by tomorrow anyway. Yet something nagged at my conscience. And some verses that I knew from past experience make complete sense kept coming to mind:
… Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
So at last I apologised—and my apology was accepted with grace. We talked a little more about how much better it is to let differences of opinion over trivial issues go rather than try to justify ourselves, then left it at that.
But I soon discovered God wasn’t finished with me. Still feeling a little disgruntled, I sat down at my desk and picked up a book of devotionals someone had given me a few days earlier. I turned to the relevant page for the day—and almost laughed out loud, despite my negative feelings. Right at the top, standing out in bold, red letters, was James 1:19-20:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
I don’t know about you, but these words have always been a strong challenge to me. Somehow, that order of ‘quick … slow … slow’ can so easily be reversed—often, I am much more likely to be slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to become angry, as I rush to defend myself and my actions! In fact, I may not even hear exactly what the other person is trying to tell me before I crank up the volume and start talking—sometimes over the top of them.
Hopefully, I am slowly learning not to do this, to hold back more, take a deep breath and give the other person a chance to say what is troubling them. And hopefully one day, I will improve, as I model myself more closely on how God has treated me and still does on a daily basis:
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 88:15
Jo-Anne Berthelsen's Blog 
John 14:1 1″Do not let your hearts be troubled.”
1. Ephesians 4:26-27 26″In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,…” . This is a standard that few if any has achieved, and in that sense, it is more of a goal in dealing with controversy.
2. There is no harm in passionate debates which are often inappropriately described as “angry confrontations”. After such debates the restless mind does not cease ruminating on the central issues for some time.
3. Paul is hardly a model to follow when he was angry with the novice Timothy and would have nothing to do with him for more than a day. Barnabus was left to pick up the pieces. Acts 15:36-37.
4. What about the anger of God as displayed when it does days/weeks to flood the earth and destroy men, women, children, plants, animals. Genesis 7:1-4. God was angry with the Israelites in the desert for 40 years. Numbers 14:34 34For forty years-one year for each of the forty days you explored the land-you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you.’
5. Part of our anxiety lies in the fact that those who give moral advice are criticized when they do not live up to their norms. The dilemma still remains until the caveat is given that one also sometimes fail.
Hi Winston! Thanks for your thoughtful reply above–I appreciate it.
Re Point 1, while I take your point that not letting the sun go down on our anger is more of a goal than anything else, I do think, in my own life at least, it is more achievable that I would like to think at times! I think I am getting a little better at it, the older I get, but there is still room for lots of improvement!
Re Point 2, again I take your point that passionate debate can be confused with angry confrontations and that good thoughts can come out of these times. Just not always my ‘cup of tea’ though!
Re Point 3, not sure I can agree with you on this one, as it looks to me in Acts 15:36-37 that Paul disagreed sharply with Barnabas, rather than with Timothy. However, you’re right in that Barnabas seems to have been the one to ‘pick up the pieces’ as you say and take John Mark on board, who had apparently let them down previously. Looks like they settled the disagreement later though–see 1 Cor 9:6 and Col 4:10.
Re Point 4, of course I can’t answer this convincingly or fully, Winston, but I think there is a place for righteous anger, just as Jesus showed when he threw those selling things out of the temple precincts and when he told the Pharisees what he thought of their hypocrisy. But I still think we need to be quick to listen, to see where people are coming from, and to be slow to become angry. There are different sorts of anger, don’t you think–and different reasons for becoming so too, some more noble than others!
And re Point 5, yes, I agree that we have to allow others to fail, because after all, this is how we would like to be treated too.
Phew! All that only scratches the surface, I realise, but it’s the best I can do right now. So thanks for making me think a bit more and for taking the time to respond.
Apology. Acts 15:36-37. Not Timothy but John Mark. Justifiable anger is one thing but resorting to violence while in a state of anger, such as whipping others/destruction of property/excessive force leading to death, is usually against the law in Australia. There are those in our society that condone violence and can justify it. The part which focuses on not letting the sun come down on your anger was being stressed in your blog not about making up with the other party sometime later when time and reflection were given their part to play.
Thanks for these further comments, Winston. Lots of food for thought all round. And re your last sentence here, I reckon both aspects you mention (ie not letting the sun go down on our anger and getting right with someone later, after time and reflection) sound pretty important and Christlike to me! Hmm–we all still have lots to learn, don’t we?
Your blog came at a timely moment, Jo-Anne. I too, was feeling the same for being unjustly accused. Thank you so much.
Thanks for your comments, Hazel. I’m so pleased what I wrote turned out to be timely for you–although I’m sad you were unjustly accused. It’s never pleasant, that’s for sure. God’s peace and comfort to you, Hazel.
Thanks. Anger is an emotional state, however sin as described in the 10 commandments as well as those stated in the new testament are actions one undertakes.. This is where one is cautioned about allowing oneself, once one is aware of it, to be in control of one oneself. Paul speaks of being given the spirit of self control..2Tim.1:7;” For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid but gives us power, love and self discipline.”. Happy journey.