There are down sides, I’ve discovered, to having a more reflective personality. For starters, I can wallow in introspection. I can sit for far too long, thinking about things I have done in the past and how differently I would do it all now. In short, I can be the queen of post mortems!
Depending on how tired I am when these take place, I can lose all sense of perspective and end up seeing only the negatives in whatever input I have given or writing I have done. I can even find myself overcome with feelings of embarrassment and self-pity at times. And if I do not come to my senses, these can all too easily paralyse me.
Yet there is an upside to these post mortems as well. With God’s help, I can learn from past mistakes and grow just that little bit more. I don’t want to keep committing the same old errors and be unable to communicate God’s love in the best possible way. So after I speak somewhere, I go through my input, reflecting on what worked and didn’t work, what felt laboured and what seemed to flow well. I make a mental note not to use this or that illustration again, if it seemed to puzzle or not connect with my audience. Then, when I have finished, I file that input away and try to let it fade from my mind.
This issue of post mortems is very pertinent right now as I seek to write my second non-fiction work—another memoir, with a few lines of teaching in each chapter, as well as some reflection questions. As I go to write about some of the more draining periods of my life, I find I have to safeguard my spirit and try to follow David’s example of focussing on God:
My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Ps 25:15
Otherwise, I could spend hours staring at my computer screen, feeling the pressure of that past season of my life, and become exhausted all over again. Instead, I try to look back with more objectivity, relying on God to give me a better perspective on it all and show me what to pass onto others. That’s the mindset Paul seems to have had when he wrote the following:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14
It’s not that Paul never mentions his past. Even in this same chapter, he remembers how he was once a Pharisee and a persecutor of the church. By God’s grace, however, he became a changed person—a new creation, free to love and serve Christ (2 Cor 5:17-19).
That’s what I am too, I remind myself with joy, as I square my shoulders and set to work on my book again. I may well have made that unwise decision or spoken those hurtful words in the past, but, as Jer 31:34 reminds us, God has chosen not to remember them—and so should I. I can let go of it all and move on, knowing I am forgiven and am totally loved and accepted because of Jesus.
And that is such a wonderful, healing thing to be able to do, don’t you think?
Hi Jo-Anne,
Thanks once again for sharing yourself with us it is amazing how often I see myself in you. I am an introspective person too and your advice is so wise, it is also nice to know that there are other people out there like me.
God Bless
Therese
Thanks, Therese. Yes, it’s quite reassuring, isn’t it, when we find people similar to us out there! I like introspective people anyway–they’re often quite deep thinkers and just interesting people! God bless.
HI Jo-Anne, it’s always good to be reminded to look forward to the future, and not to dwell on what has passed. If we don’t we can too easily become stuck in a rut mulling over past failings. Thanks for the reminder! Susanne
Hi, Susanne–thanks for your comment. As I mention in the blog, the book I am currently writing necessitates my looking back over past events, so I’m listening to what I’ve said in my own blog and just trying to step back and be a bit more objective about it all. How wonderful that we have such a gracious God who just goes on loving and caring for us!
Oh, JoAnne, no wonder we are friends, we are too much alike. Thank you for such a timely post .Only yesterday my Ray told me I dwell too much on “stuff” — his way of reminding me introspection can be taken too far. And then in my devotional time later with the Lord, that Phil 3:13 verse you have shared here hit me between the eyes. This time it was God saying to Mary, “Forget those things that are behind”. In His strength those harsh words are forgiven, dwelt with appropriately as His child. I love the way our loving heavenly Father shows us HE knows our strengths and weaknesses, and always speaks to us from His Word to comfort as well as rebuke and give directions how He wants us to behave as His children.
Thanks so much, Mary, for your lovely comments–I’m glad my thoughts here resonated with you and reinforced what God was already saying to you via Scripture–and Ray! And yes, we probably are very alike in this way at least, Mary, being both writers who sit and mull over things a lot. But God loves us and created us in all our uniqueness to do what we do and he’ll keep us from being too introspective as we focus on him. God bless! Hope to see you again at the writers’ conference in October.